I am an English teacher, and I am single. That comes with come some perks and some drawbacks. Just kidding, there are no perks.
Too busy to date, buried under stacks of terrible student essays, my social life constantly on life support. But…
Inquiring Minds Want to Know
In every class there are a handful of students that take an interest in their teachers’ personal lives. Now, most students are entirely engulfed in their own myopic middle school world unable to imagine that teachers exist outside of the confines of the school building, but the ones that aren’t–relentless meddlers all the way. They barrage their teachers with thousands of questions from silly to serious.
“How old are you?”
“Do you sleep at the school?”
“Do you like dogs?”
“Are you married?”
The last question is the one that triggered the latest endeavor by two of my students.
“Mr. ________, we need to get you married,” declared the sweet freckled girl last Friday afternoon in class.
“Oh? Is that so?” I replied, eyebrows raised, holding back a chuckle while passing out graded papers.
“Yes,” added the dark-haired girl with her dark trendy glasses and One Direction suspenders on. “You’re not getting any younger, you know.”
Great, first my mother, now my students lecturing me on finding a spouse.
“Be honest, when was the last time you took a girl on a date?” asked the concerned freckled brunette.
I had to think about that. For some time.
“Oh gosh. May? June?”
(In full disclosure, I’m not even sure that the girl referenced thought it was a date, but I had to come up with something.)
“Wanna see a picture?” I offered to legitimize my answer. They both nodded excitedly. I pulled the girl up on Facebook and showed them.
“Mr. _________,” they both squealed, “She’s gorgeous! You missed out!”
“Seriously,” I agreed.
“What happened there?” asked the dark haired girl.
“Oh, don’t get me started,” I sighed.
“Well, we’re going to find you a wife,” freckles declared confidently. “What’s your type?”
This is the part where a sane person would have just walked away. Too late. Not me.
“I’m into strong, independent, ambitious women. And she has to love Jesus.”
“Great! I’ll start thinking about ladies at my church.”
“Does it matter whether or not she has kids?” posed the dark haired girl.
“No, that’s fine. I love kids.” Immediately I regretted saying that. Is her mom single? Oh geez, she’s probably thinking of her mom.
“What’s your age range?”
“Mid twenties to mid thirties.”
The bell rang to dismiss class.
“Uh Oh, Mr. _______, dating the older ladies!” freckles joked.
“I’m not getting any younger,” I reminded her.
“Alright. I think we have enough. Don’t worry, we’ll find you a wife,” they concluded, running out of the room ecstatic at their new mission to find me a woman.